A House Is Not A Home
by A Very Crisscolfer Fangirl
Summary: Chris and Darren are best friends and roommates. Suddenly Darren realizes something weird about Chris boyfriend. Crisscolfer fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

"Darren, I'm out! Don't wait up." I heard Chris yell from downstairs.

I stopped strumming my guitar for a moment. "I am aware of your sexuality, sweetheart!" I joked. I heard him open the door.

"Hilarious!" He yelled back sarcastically. "Bye!"

"No Chris, you're gay!" I pointed out.

"Goodbye Darren!" He simply said. I heard Aaron say something about me being rude and then they left.

Aaron was a good guy, he really was. He was nice, he wanted the best for Chris and he was really good looking. Chris loved him and he loved Chris, but I knew he wasn't the one for Chris. It wasn't any of my business, really. But I cared about Chris and I didn't want him to waste any of his time.

_Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe, if I get to know him better, Aaron turns out to be the right guy for Chris. Chris certainly seemes happy with him._

Back to songwriting. I had locked myself up in my room for over two hours, but the sheet of paper in front of me was completely blanc.

After another half an hour I decided to go to bed early. After a quick shower I climbed in bed, under the fresh sheets. I inhaled the smell of the soap that still hung around the sheets. I loved the way it smelled.

When I first moved in with Chris we each used our own kind of soap, but mine didn't smell half as good as his. So, after a while, we started doing each other's landry and the whole system just disappeared.

I drifted of to sleep with my nose buried in my pillow.

* * *

A few hours later I was awoken by a loud moan. Oh god, here we go again. I was completely cool with Chris having sex in the bedroom next to mine, but did they have to be so god damn loud? It was like they wanted to rub their coupleness in my face.

Chris was happy. He had a great guy to go out with and to do all that couply stuff with. Good for him. And I know it's selfish, but I wanted that too. I wanted a girl who just randomly came over to see how I was doing and to cuddle with me.

But the perfect girl was not gonna magically appear on my doorstep. So I knew that, if I stayed locked up in the apartment, the closest to a lover I was gonna get were Chris and my guitar. (Call me weird for cuddling my guitar, but that's the way I got close to my music. And I'm petty sure my success is because of that.)

I put on the earpads that were in the drawer of my nightstand (Yes I was prepared) and tried to go to sleep again.

* * *

Something about the mental image of Chris and Aaron getting it on made it hard for me to sleep. I was not grossed out by the gay part in this situation. I mean, if I had to listen to any of my straight friends doing this I would have the same problem. I just tried to think of sweet, innocent things and drifted off to sleep again.

The next morning I was having coffee already when the happy couple came downstairs. They were both dressed only in sweatpants.

"Good morning, Darren. Did you sleep well?" Chris asked in his always so sweet voice as he poured in two cups of coffee.

I thought about commenting on their, rather loud, activities of that night, but that would have been a little awkward. "Yeah, I slept fine." I lied. "You guys?"

Aaron just hummed in response and looked over at the clock on the microwave. "Oh, I should get dressed. I have to be at work in like an hours." He kissed Chris passionately on his lips and they had probably forgotten about me, because I had to let out an awkward cough when they got too heated. They both eyed me annoyed and Aaron ran upstairs to get dressed.

Twenty minuets later Aaron kissed Chris goodbye to go to some photoshoot. Okay, I know I've said Aaron was good looking before, but 'good looking' might be a little understatement. Even though he was a little shorter that Chris, Aaron was a model. His dark brown hair was curly and always perfectly styled, he had an incredibly toned chest and his face was just...wow.

That was the first time I analyzed him like that and I came to a conclusion. He kind of looked like me. He looked like me, but better. He dressed like me but his clothes matched better, his eyebrows were present like mine, but better shaped. _He is like a Darren 2.0._


	2. Chapter 2

_Why am I even doing this to myself? I could have just stayed inside. But no, I just _had_ to come and sit next to the pool where 'Mr. Perfect Porcelain Skin' and 'Mr. Improved Darren' were flirtatiously chasing each other._ It was like watching a freaking perfume commercial.

I put my guitar down and ran my fingers through my hair. I went inside to grab a beer and to escape the sickening cuteness that was called Aaris. (Yes couplenames. It was that bad) But, of course, they came inside too, after they had gotten dressed, because Aaron had to leave to do something. I heard him say what, but I couldn't even bring myself to listen. It was probably putting out a fire, savings a box of puppies, helping a cute old grandma walk across a crowded street, or something equally nobel.

I was shaken out of my thoughts when the door closed rather loudly. "Darren, what's your problem with Aaron?" Chris asked while storming over to me.

"I- I don't have a problem with him." I stuttered , surprised by his sudden change of tone. He went from lovey-dovey to demanding in a second.

"You clearly have. You are being super weird around him." He said and sat down at the breakfast-bar facing me.

"I'm not being weird." I said, my voice became slightly highpitched at Chris' reproach.

"You are." He told me and crossed his arms over chest. "You don't laugh about anything he says, you're being rude to him and you're shooting him mean looks when you think I'm not watching." Annoyance was clearly audible in his voice. I didn't want to argue with him, but he was absolutely wrong. I did not do any of those things. Not on purpose, at least.

Okay, I didn't laugh at Aaron's jokes, but that was not because I didn't like Aaron. I just didn't like his jokes. _There is nothing wrong with that._ I thought. Besides, he didn't laugh at my jokes either.

I was not being rude with him. That's just our thing. We mock each other every now and then. It's just being playfully un polite._ Okay, that sounds weird, but it's not. Aaron and I just have a special kind of friendship._

And I have not been shooting him mean looks. I was just checking if he was treating Chris right. _I'm a little protective of him. So what? He is my best friend and I don't want him to get hurt._

"No I don't. He is a nice guy." I said. I walked over to the bin and threw away the half empty beer can.

"Then why do you hate him so much?" Chris followed me and leaned against the kitchen counter.

"I don't hate him!" I yelled at him as I turned to face him again.

"Why can't you just see that I am in love with him? Is it because he is a guy?" Chris asked angrily. "You are just fine with me being gay, but when I get an actual boyfriend, shit gets too real? Is that it?" He raised his perfectly shaped eyebrows.

"That's not true and you know that!" I said. He was being absolutely ridiculous. I would never have a problem with Chris being gay or having boyfriends.

"Then what is it?" He was tapping his foot on the floor nervously and I got a little annoyed by it.

I sighed in a attempt to calm myself down. And it worked, surprisingly. "Okay Chris, I want you to answer the following question honestly, okay?" I asked him, my voice back to normal again.

He stopped tapping his foot and seemed let go some of the tension, too. "Yeah, of course."

"Why do you love him?" I asked him after a moment of silence.

"Because he is funny, caring, a good listener, smart, good looking and he loves me." He told me as if he had already made a list in his mind in case someone asked him that question.

"Really?" I asked him, searching for more answers in his face, but not finding any.

"Yes." He said. "And you would see those things too if you would just open your fucking eyes." His voice was polite so his words didn't seem so harsh.

"Is that why you love him?" I asked. "Or is it because he is shorter than you are and has dark, curly hair and wears brightly colored socks?"

He shook his head in confusion and frowned his brow. "What are you saying?" He looked me directly in my eyes.

"Have you ever noticed how much that guy looks like me and acts like me?" I questioned. He raised his eyebrows again, but this time he looked offended.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" He yelled at me. "What are you thinking?" He threw his arms up. "That everything is about you all the time? Well, it's not!"

"No, Chris please listen to me." I tried to calm him down. "He just is not your one." I said. _Well that didn't come out right._

"Oh and you are?" He laughed bitterly. When I opened my mouth to answer but he spoke up. "Don't even answer that. I can't believe you. You are such a selfish asshole." He pushed me aside and started to walk to the front door. "Why can't you just let me be happy with Aaron?"

"Chris I didn't mean to upset you like this. I just noticed it and wanted to inform you about it." I tried to put my hand on his arm, but he slapped it away.

He turned around. "And what made you think that you have the right to do that?"

I didn't have an answer on that one. _What made me think that?_ "Chris, I just wanted to help." I said.

"You want to help?" He grabbed a jacket, not even caring which one it was. Apparently he didn't notice it was mine, because he put it on and opened the door. "Then stay out of my business!" With that he slammed the door shut in my face.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Chris it's me. Again. Please pick up your phone or call me back? I just want to make sure that you're alright. And I want you to know I'm sorry. Please call me or text me?" I left another message. And I had sent him about thirty text messages.

Chris had been gone all night. And it absolutely killed me. I just wanted to make sure that he was at Aaron's. I couldn't stand this. I needed him. Maybe a little more than I was willing to admit.

I let out a growl and rubbed my eyes. I hadn't had nearly enough sleep that night. I couldn't sleep when I knew Chris was mad at me. He was the most important person in my life and I just wanted to apologize and cuddle up with him until we fell asleep. And then I would wake up in the middle of the night because the couch got uncomfortable. I would wake him up slowly by caressing his face lightly. And-

My head snapped up at the realization of what I had just thought. "Oh my god. Oh my god." I muttered over and over again and started pacing the floor. "I want to be with him." I told myself. I said it out loud to check if it was true. And boy, it was true. So very true.

I heard the front door open and close again. I heard footsteps coming towards the entertainment room, where I was.

When Chris entered the room we looked at each other and screamed "I am so sorry!" at the exact same time. I had completely forgotten about the internal freak out I was having until a second ago. Just seeing his face was enough to make my world right again.

"No I'm sorry." We told each other, again speaking the words at the same time.

"Stop it." We choked out in laughter. It was getting creepy. One of us had to break this weird spell.

"You go first." He said, like he could read my mind.

I smiled at him. "I'm sorry I said those things. It wasn't my intention to make it sound like you're in love with me." I apologized. He came over and hugged me.

"And I shouldn't have ran off like that." He told me against my neck. My knees went weak at his hot breath ghosting over my skin.

I pulled away quickly, before I could get too fond of the hug. "Friends?" I asked him and held out my right pink to him.

Our eyes locked on each other for a moment and two wide smiles found our faces. "The best." He said and linked his pinkie with mine.

Then I remembered something. "Aw now I don't need my 'please forgive me for being an idiot and be my friend again' present anymore." I pouted. I saw his eyes grow wider at the word 'present'. "It will go to waste."

"Hey," He said. "you're still an idiot. So technically I can still have the present." I snorted at his comment.

I didn't give in right away. He gave me his best puppy dog eyes and I couldn't resist those big, bright blue orbs. "Okay." I said and walked to the kitchen.

A few moments later I re-entered the room with a big chocolate cake with chocolate sauce and it said 'I'm sorry for being an idiot' in pink letters. "Oh my god. Thank you." Chris squealed. He took the whole cake from me and went to the kitchen. "I love your cakes." He got one fork for himself and didn't even bother cutting off a slice. He started eating it on his way to the couch.

"Can I have a piece too?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No." He protected the cake with his arms when I tried to reach for it.

"Please?" I fluttered my eyelashes at him, hoping he couldn't resist my puppy dog eyes either.

Apparently he couldn't. "Okay." He sighed and turned around to give me access to the cake. I noticed he had a drop of chocolate sauce on his chin. "What?" He asked when I didn't start eating the cake._ Oh, I was staring._

"You have some chocolate sauce" I leaned in a little closer than necessary. "right" I wiped the sauce away with my thumb slowly. "there." I whispered. My eyes flickered to his lips. They were so close and perfect. They looked delicious and I had to lean just a little bit closer to taste them.

So I did. I closed my eyes and leaned in slowly. I captured his soft lips with mine. I moved the hand that was on his chin to his hair and intertwined my fingers with it.

He had moved his hand to my neck. His lips started to move against mine. I took that as my invitation to start nibbling on his lower lip. He slipped his tongue in and I slipped my hand around his waist.

Then he abruptly broke the kiss and pushed me away. "Oh my god." He said, covering his mouth with his left hand and the cake still in the other. He put the cake in the coffee table and covered his face with his hands. "I can't do this. I have a boyfriend." He whispered.

"I know, I'm sorry." I came closer to him and put a comforting hand on his back. "That was totally inappropriate of me" I apologized for the second time that day.

"Please don't touch me?" He asked in a small voice. It broke my heart to see him like this because of me. I stilled the hand on his back and put it uselessly in my lap.

"Okay, if you don't want that, I'll lay off." I needed him to know that I wouldn't do anything that he was not comfortable with. At least not on purpose.

He looked up at me. "Darren, I'm not mad at you." He said. It took me by surprise. He had so many reasons to be mad at me. "I'm just confused. Can we talk about this?" He asked.

"Of course." I answered him. Because really, how could I say no to that?

"Why did you do that?" He pulled his legs on the couch and faced me. Then he continued. "I know you don't have someone special at the moment, but why did you kiss me?"

_Why did I kiss him? For god sake, why did I kiss him? Because I wanted to and he was so close. And because I am a selfish idiot who just kisses his taken roommate, and best friend, without even thinking about it._ "I- I don't know." I stuttered with my head turned to my fiddling hands in my lap.

"Please, try to tell me?" Now Chris was the one who was rubbing soothing circles on my back. He was patiently waiting for me to answer him.

I took a deep breath. "I'm really confused." I told him. I felt the need to elaborate. "Right before you came in, I realized just how much I missed you." I was close to tears, as if I was getting out tension I didn't even know I had in me.

"If you need any help, I'll be right here." Chris promised me, his hand never stopped rubbing circles on my back, I could feel the warmth of his hand trough my shirt. "Don't be afraid to ask. Whenever you need me." He said, his tone was serious.

I looked him in the eyes and nodded. "Thank you." I whispered, a single tear left my eye. "Can I?" I held my arms open, asking him if he was okay with a hug.

"Come here." He chuckled and pulled me in to a tight hug. I let my tears roll onto his shoulder. My sobs disappeared after a few minutes. "Oh, Darren?" He asked, his voice was light again.

"Yes?"

"I invited Aaron to come over to have lunch at the set today," He said. "please try not to rip his face off?" He laughed against my neck.

"I'll try." I chuckled back.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Dare, wait up!" Chris called. I waited for him to catch up with me. Things had been fine after The Kiss and The Confession. (Yes, capitals) We had car pooled to work, as always. He hadn't asked any more questions, I hadn't mentioned it again and Aaron was still coming to set for lunch. "Can I ask you a favour?" I jumped at how close he was. I hadn't noticed, but he was standing right next to me.

"Yeah, of course." I immediately answered. Because, hello, eyes and face and all. It was simply impossible to say no to him.

"Ehm, Brad asked me to get a box from that closet." He pointed to the janitor's closet. _What the hell does Brad need from that closet and why did he ask Chris to get it for him? _"Could you bring it to him? I'm on my way to see Aaron." Of course. Aaron. Chris was on his way to have a nice lunch with his perfect boyfriend who had taken an afternoon off so he could have lunch with his even boyfriend.

I offered Chris my best smile. "Of course. What box?" I asked while walking over to the closet. I had no idea what I should look for.

"The one on the left." Chris told me. "It's hard to miss." I was about to open the door. He was standing about three steps away from me and he was watching me quietly. I thought it was weird, but I didn't question it.

"Okay." I said and opened the door. The closet was dark and the little space was filled with the smell of chemicals. I searched the wall for the switch. After knocking over some brooms, I found it and switched the light on. I let the door fall close behind me and heard a click. I looked to my left. No box. "Weird." I spoke out loud. I looked to my right. No box. "Chris, I don't see a box!" I turned around to open the door again, but it was locked. I could make out a silhouette trough the blurry window. Chris, I assumed. "Chris? The door's locked!" The silhouette left. "Are you still there?" I yelled, banging my fist on the glass.

"Dare, I'm sorry, but you have to stay in there for a little longer." I heard his voice in the distance. I could tell by the sound of his feet he was running away.

"What? Why?" I yelled. I hoped he still heard me.

"Bye!" Was all he said.

"Where are you going? Chris? Come back! Get me out of here!" I tried, but he was gone. "Somebody? Hello! I'm sort of stuck here! It would be absolutely awesome if someone got me out of here! No one? God, I feel loved!" No one heard me. _Why had Chris just locked me up here? Is it payback for my inappropriate display this morning? _I spend some eight minutes humming and singing to myself. I looked for things that might help me to kill some time, but I found nothing but crap. So I decided to sit down and wait for Chris to come back.

"Aaron, I need to get this box from this closet, but it's really heavy. Can you help me?" I heard Chris' innocent voice._ What is his angle?_

"Yeah, sure." Aaron said. He was helpful too, of course.

"Chris? What's going on?" I tried again. I saw two silhouettes appear in front of the window.

"Is Darren in there?" Aaron asked. I saw him turn around, but Chris pushed him to the door.

"No." Chris said.

"Yes!" I yelled.

"I can hear him." Aaron spoke before he got pushed in to the closet.

"Hi." I smiled at him unwillingly, rubbing my hands together.

He rolled his eyes. "What's this?" He snapped at me.

"I don't know." I got up, because he was literally looking down at me. "We're locked up." I told him, because that was everything I knew.

Aaron turned around and knocked on the door. "Chris?" He asked sweetly. "Can you let me out, please?"

"No." He answered. "I don't see what the problem is."

"I'll tell you." I said angrily. "You locked us up in a closet!" I pointed out.

"You two are the most important men in my life. I want you to get along." Chris' voice came from the other side of the door.

Aaron looked surprised "You want me to get along with the guy who made you storm out of your own home?" He pointed at me even though Chris couldn't see him. I felt like he was judging me. He had no right to, Chris and I had an argument and we made up.

"I want you to get along with my best friend." I smiled at Aaron. He just sighed and rolled his eyes. "You two are gonna be stuck in there until you've talked this thing out."_That is not gonna happen!_

I switched to defense mode. "What thing? There's no thing." I knew he was rolling his eyes and getting annoyed, but I could give it a try at least. "We have nothing to talk about, now let us out."

"You two don't like each other, I get that. Now talk."

"Come on, Chris." Aaron whined and leaned his back against the door. "This is ridiculous."

I knew Chris was not going to give in. When Chris has his mind set on something, he is not letting go off it. "He's not gonna give in." I muttered to Aaron and turned around to sit down again.

He sighed annoyed and turned around. He knocked harder on the door. "Chris?" He asked a little less sweetly. I knew it was a waste of time.

"I'm not letting you out until you've talked."

"He's serious." I told Aaron.

"I know." He sighed and slit down against the door to sit on the ground.

"What's your problem with me?" I started the conversation. _The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get out of here._

He sighed angrily. "I don't have a problem with you," I snorted. "I have a problem with your attitude." He explained.

"What is wrong with my attitude?" I asked him with a roll of my eyes.

"I'll tell you! I am sick of your gay jokes! You're always going on and on about how open minded you are! But you're always making fun of us! I'm sick of it!" He got me all wrong. I was not making fun of them. I was, I hate to admit this, I was trying to find a flaw in him. Also I knew for sure Chris heard every word of this and I wouldn't be surprised if we had gotten an audience outside of that closet. I was about to apologize when he continued. "You're just a homophobic ass!" He yelled.

He shouldn't have said that. _That's offensive and I won't let him call me a homophob._ "I'm not homophobic!" I hissed.

"You are!"

"I'm not, because I'm pretty sure I'm into dudes myself!" The words flew out before I knew it. Our audience must have heard that and Chris definitely heard it too.

Aaron's face suddenly didn't look so threatening anymore. He looked almost sympathetic. "What?" He asked.

I tried to make myself as small as possible. _This is not how I wanted to tell people. I'm not even sure I'm just really confused._ "I think you've heard me." I murmured.

"You're in the closet." He sat next to me. "Literally." He added.

I smiled. "Who's the one cracking gay jokes now?"

"I'm sorry." He laughed. There was a moment of silence, I saw Chris standing in front of the glass. He seemed to be deciding whether to let us out or not. "Wait." Aaron said. "This explains why you're being so rude. You like Chris. That's it, you like him, don't you?" He looked at me and expected an answer. I didn't answer him, I kept looking at the silhouette that had stilled in front of the glass. "I can't believe this." He said and got up again. "He's taken. You and him? Never gonna happen." He hissed threateningly in my face.

"I don't know about that." _Darren, are you trying to get yourself killed?_

"What's that suppose to mean?" He was breathing in trough this teeth and breathing out trough his nose. I knew I shouldn't say anything else, because I am tiny and he is tiny too, but he is definitely stronger.

"Never mind." I said, breaking our eye contact by looking at the floor.

"What's it suppose to mean?" He tried again, this time even more furious.

"It doesn't matter!" I got up and he thought I was going to hit him. I held my hands up to show him I meant no harm.

"What happened?" He grabbed my collar and backed me up against the wall.

"Nothing happened." I said slowly and tried to take his hands away from me.

"You're lying!" He yelled in my ear and punched me in my stomach. He let go off me and I fell on the floor, but I quickly got up and punched him in his face. We fell on the ground together and I remember he hit me once more in my ribs.

Then the door flew open. "Stop!" Chris yelled. "Stop it!" He tore Aaron off me. "Both of you!"

"He started it!" I pointed at Aaron who was standing behind Chris. I stood up and eyed Aaron. He was cupping his own jaw with one hand.

"I don't fucking care!" Chris said and I couldn't help but notice how hot he looks when he's angry. _Those are not the thoughts you should be having right now! You shouldn't be having them at any time, because he is your friend. But you can't think like that right now._ "You have to stop this childish behaviour."

We walked out of the closet. Aaron first, followed by Chris and me last. I stopped in the doorway and Aaron stopped a few feet away from me. "You're the one who locked us up." I stated. Chris stopped and turned around.

"Only because you two try to avoid each other."

"What happened between the two of you." Aaron suddenly asked.

Chris looked at me. I nodded to let him know he could tell Aaron. Then he turned to Aaron. "Nothing happened." He told him and kissed him. When they kissed Chris didn't close his eyes. They were wide open and looking at mine.


	5. Chapter 5

I was sitting with Chris in the living room. He had asked me to tell him a funny story, because he needed a laugh after taking care of two stupid guys' bruises. "And Cord said 'Darren, that's not peanut butter.'" I said while flicking trough a magazine. There are always a lot of advertisements in magazines. It annoys me that I have to flip trough countless of them before reaching an article. I continued my story. "So I just- Oh my god!" I yelled in horror when I saw the advertisement in front of me.

"What?" Asked Chris calmly.

I studied the picture again to make sure I saw what I saw. The black and white picture showed a man in white briefs (that left nothing to the imagination) laying on a couch. The man had dark, curly hair. "That's Aaron! And he is in his underwear!" I was still in shock, because I didn't need to see Aaron like that. And I was ashamed of myself, because I thought the picture was quite sexy. I held the magazine up so Chris could see it, too.

He looked up and saw the picture. Much to my surprise I didn't see his expression change. "Oh yeah." He said carelessly and went back to whatever he was doing on his laptop.

"What? You're okay with this?" I closed his laptop and waved the magazine in front of his face.

He pushed my hand that was holding the magazine down. "Yeah, of course I am." He said as if it wasn't his boyfriend half naked in a magazine.

"But he is almost naked for the world to see!" I couldn't believe Chris was this calm under the situation.

"It's his job." Chris said.

"So you're absolutely cool with your boyfriend being exposed to the world in this porny way?" I brought the magazine in front of his face again.

He slapped my hand away. "It's not porn!" He yelled. "It's a commercial and I'm proud of him for landing this big shoot."

My jaw practically dropped on the ground. _He is proud? _"You're proud of him for taking his clothes off?" I questioned. _How can he be proud of his boyfriend selling himself like this? _"Do you applause every time he undresses himself for you?"

"Darren just shut up! You're doing the exact same." He snapped.

_What the hell is that supposed to mean? _"Excuse me? I don't take my clothes of for money."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't? I should probably re-watch the 'Fighter' video, because apparently there's another guy showering."

_Shit. He's right._

"That's different!" He snorted at me. "There was a story behind that."

"Oh really? I'd like to hear it, because I can't find a deeper meaning in that scene." He was right. I knew he was. There was no reason to shower in that song. Blaine could have boxed for a few more seconds. But I was not giving in. "There's more deeper meaning in this picture" He pointed at the picture of Aaron. "than in your shower scene, or your shirtless photo shoots."

"There's a meaning behind this?" I eyed the magazine again. It was kind of weird, because Aaron was still looking seductive right at me.

"It's an underwear advertisement, Darren." He pointed out, but I was already aware of that. "You can't stay fully clothed in an underwear advertisement."

_Okay that makes sense. He has won. Now don't let him notice that and change the subject._ "Why did you lie to him?"

He needed a moment to catch up with me. "I was not going to out you." He said weakly when he got what I was talking about.

"I outed myself." I saw right trough him. He was lying. It wasn't about outing me, I had already done that myself, it was about Aaron.

"I didn't want to rush things." He replied, suddenly afraid to make eye contact.

"That's bullshit and you know it!"

"It's not." Chris tried to keep the conversation calm. "I understand you might want to keep things low for a while."

"I don't care about that!" I yelled. I was sick of him denying the real reason for all the tension. "We both know the real reason you've lied." He stayed silent. I couldn't read anything in his facial expression, but I knew I was getting to him. "You lied because he doesn't trust you. If you would have told him we have kissed, he'd have broken up with you. He wouldn't have believed I kissed you. He would have thought it was both of us."

"Stop." He whispered. "Aaron trusts me." He defended his boyfriend, but I knew he was doubting his own words.

"He doesn't." I objected.

"He does!" He was sounding quite convincing, but I didn't know whether it was because he was a great actor, or because it was the truth. "You know nothing about him! Why am I even having this argument? Aaron is my boyfriend and you've got to stay out of our business!"

"All I'm saying is-"

"Stop right now." He held up his hand to make me stop talking.

"You're-"

"Stop!" He yelled. I didn't dare to say one more word. The silence around us was a painful one, almost unbearable. "Stop talking, if you don't, I'll kick you out. This is my house and I can do that." _He would do that? _"Go to your room right now. I don't want to talk to you tomorrow, do you understand?"

I wanted to say something, something to make it right. But I knew that, if I talked, I would screw things up worse. I didn't know how I went from best friends and happy roommates to this constant fighting. I knew it was my fault and I wanted it to stop, but I didn't know how. "Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

The next day was awkward. Chris ignored me the whole morning. We didn't even drive to work together. That usually only ever happened when our schedules were too different. Chris had just left without even saying goodbye. He had been avoiding me for sure because I usually ran in to him all the time, but I hadn't seen him all day. That's why I was exited when I heard a knock on my trailer door. "Come in!" I called as cheery as possible. I was expecting for Chris or an assistant to come in. Actually, I expected anyone but Aaron to step trough that door.

"Hi." He said unconfidently. My jaw dropped. _What's he doing here? Is he going to attack me again? _I got kind of scared, because the last time I saw Aaron he was punching me. And there he was, in my trailer.

Assuming he was looking for Chris I answered before he asked a question. "I don't know where he is, I haven't spoken to him all day." I told him truthfully, my voice a little high because he was walking in closer. I was getting nervous because Chris wasn't there to me my knight like he was last time.

"I'm not here for Chris." _Oh this is it. These are the last words I'll hear before he beats the crap out of me. Don't let him notice you're scared. _"I'm here for you." _I'm so scared. I'm so scared. Help me. Someone help me. If I'd start begging him to not punch me, would he listen?_ "I'm here to apologize." _Or he could say that? _My jaw must have been on the ground, because he was apologizing to me. I didn't see that one coming. My world stopped making sense. "I overreacted, I should have believed you. I jumped to a conclusion and that was wrong. I'm sorry." _Oh, this is bad. _I felt so guilty because he was standing there, apologizing for not believing me when I said I hadn't kissed his boyfriend. And that was a lie. But I was not sure if I would ever see sunlight again if I told him then and there. "Chris is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm just afraid he'll choose you over me." _Is he an idiot? Why on earth would Chris choose stupid ol' me over him?_ "And that's fine, I'm not asking to be on top of his list right now, but I just try to hold on to what we have." Oh god, I couldn't believe him. He was standing there right in front of me, talking about his boyfriend with so much love and passion._ He is such a teddy bear._

I embraced him in a warm, friendly hug. It was awkward for a moment, but it was a hug and you can never go wrong with a hug. "He'd never do that." I told him when we pulled away. "Choose me over you, I mean." I was hoping he would, but I didn't see that happening. "And I'm doing the exact same." He looked confused at me. "I'm trying to hold on to what I have, too." Which was true. I was trying, but I wasn't really succeeding. I was just having a lot of fights with everyone and I made up again and then I screwed up again. It sucked.

"I have to say, I'm not entirely comfortable with how comfortable you are around each other, but I'll get over it." That was no news. I saw the way Aaron tensed when Chris and were 'being too close'. But the last part sounded promising. Maybe we can get along after all. We were look-alikes after al. _If I could just get over Chris this situation might actually work out._

I nodded. "Okay." I said to let him know I approved of his words. But one thing needed to be clear. I was not becoming 'just a friend' to Chris. I refused to become like any other friend to him. "I'm not calling off my friendship with Chris, but let me know what makes you uncomfortable and I'll see what I can do about it."

"Thanks." A genuine smile lit up his face. "That sounds good. I'm sure we can work it out as adults."_ Right, adults, because that's what we are. No stupid fighting, no mean glances, just talking like the adults we are._

"Yeah totally." I said and we said our goodbyes and he left. That was one concern I could cross off my list. Now I only needed to talk to Chris, make up with him and try not to kiss him again. Everything would be fine if I kept my feelings under control. _Maybe this is not as hopeless as I thought it was._

That night I drove home with a good feeling. I was going to see Chris and we would talk it out and everything would be okay. I smiled when I saw his car in the driveway because that meant he was at our house and not at Aaron's. He wasn't avoiding me anymore, so I assumed he wanted to talk to me too.

Apparently it was surprise-Darren-day, because I was not prepared to coming home to a crying Chris on the sofa. He was sitting in the corner of our L-shaped couch, his knees pressed to his chest and he was hugging one of the small, decorative pillows. Tears were streaming down his pale cheeks and the sight was absolutely heartbreaking.

"Chris, what happened?" I was sitting next to him in a nanosecond. I wrapped him up in my arms and he instantly nuzzled his nose in my neck. _Talking about us can wait. _I thought. First I needed to know what made Chris cry and I needed to fix it.

"I broke up with him."


	7. Chapter 7

Chris's POV

* * *

I hesitated for a moment, but I knew I had to do it. I had been crying since I stepped in my car, but I forced my tears to stop for that moment. I couldn't tell how many times I had wanted to turn around and go home. I rang the doorbell and waited for him to open the door. I was wondering if I could pretend to be sleepwalking. He had put up with that a few times after all. Before I could pull a sleepwalking face he opened the door.

"Chris?" He asked concerned. Apparently I wasn't hiding my upset expression very well. "What's wrong?" He pulled me into his arms and I couldn't suppress my tear any longer.

"I can't do this to you." I said with my mouth against his shoulder. I pushed him away because sharing an embrace that intimate was something couples did. And I was about to end us being a couple.

"What?" He asked and then I saw him reading me. He got a panicked look in his eyes. "No. No." He covered his mouth with his hand. "Please don't. Don't say it." He begged me.

"We should break up." I said exactly what he didn't want to hear.

"We shouldn't." He said and pulled me over to the couch, because we were still in his doorway and everyone could see us. We sat down and he looked at his hands. "Was it something I did?" I shook my head, but he didn't see it. "I swear, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise." And that broke my heart, because I was the bad guy in that situation and I made my loving boyfriend think he did something wrong.

"It's not you." I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"What happened?" He asked, not angrily, not upset, just soothingly. "I'm sure we can make it work. We'll make it work." He promised me. I didn't know when it happened, but he was crying too. "I love you. I'll forgive you. Whatever you did, it's fine." He sat down next to me and wrapped me in his arms again. That time I didn't have the heart to push him away.

"I cheated on you." I admitted. "I kissed someone. Well, he kissed me. But I kissed him back." I decided to leave the identity of Darren in the middle for a while. It really didn't matter if it was my roommate, or a random guy at a club, what mattered was that I had been unfaithful. "That's cheating, right?" I asked him, but I already knew the answer. Some gay guys saw a monogamous relationship as something in which you can kiss whoever you want, but going further than kissing is considered as cheating. Aaron and I, however, had established that kissing was cheating too. Even flirting was making the both of us uncomfortable.

He swallowed thickly. "Was it Darren?" He asked in a small voice. I was afraid of his reaction and I was afraid to say it out loud. So I closed my eyes and nodded. I heard a broken sob escape his lips. "Has this been going on for long?" He asked and he sounded like he was lost, like his world had just collapsed. "On regular basis?"

I shook my head. "No." I answered him. "Just one kiss. You were right. I lied to you when I said nothing had happened."

He took a moment to take a breath and to dry his tears. "I can-" He cleared his throat. "I can get over that." And he tried to smile, but I saw it was all fake.

"But _I_ can't." I saw him nodding. He slowly closed his eyes and I could see his tears starting to fall again. "I'm so sorry. I really love you." I took his hand and caressed it. "I do. I just-"

"Love him more." He finished my sentence for me. He looked up at me again. "I love you too. If this is what you want, go for it." He gave my hand an assuring squeeze.

"I'm really sorry." I apologized again.

"Don't be." He waved his free hand. "If he makes you happy, who am I to hold you back?" I wasn't expecting to hear him say that. I told him I cheated and he told me to be happy with Darren? When he thought I cheated on him he punched the guy! I was expecting him to yell and be mad at me and to tell me he never wanted to see me again. Instead, he understood and he told me to run away with my roommate.

"I don't get it," I tried to dry my tears, but it was no use, they kept streaming down my face. "when you thought I cheated on you, you punched Darren. And now I'm telling you I cheated and you're practically sending me in his arms right now." Saying it out loud to Aaron was weird, but the thought of being in Darren's arms was quite tempting.

"Because I thought you slept with him because I wasn't enough for you," He explained and I took my time to dry my tears again. This time I was more successful. "but now I see you're in love with him." _Am I? I guess I am. And if not, I will be very soon. _"I should have seen it coming. You look at him the way you're supposed to look at your boyfriend." _He saw it?_ I couldn't believe he saw it all that time and didn't say anything. He knew this was going to happen and he still loved me.

"Why are you this perfect?" I asked him, because really, he was. I was breaking up with him for someone else and he was sympathetic, who does that? "You're so sweet, it makes breaking up with you even harder. Why can't you just yell at me and slap me and call me names for cheating on you?"

"Because I know Darren makes you happy. Happier than I'll ever make you. I know Darren and I haven't been great friends, but I think we could get along pretty well. I think we've got a lot in common." _That, you do. _"I hope we can stay friends?"

"We will." I was not going to give up on a perfectly good friendship. I really cared about him, so I didn't want him out of my life like that. "Can I kiss you one more time?" I asked, hoping I wasn't pushing my luck too much. "To say goodbye?" I added.

"Only if I can be your best man at your and Darren's wedding." He smiled. _Did he just imply that Darren and I are going to be married? Who does that?_

"You did not just say that!" I said in shock, that is a weird thing to say when you just got dumped. (I'm telling you in case that wasn't clear already.)

"Shut up and kiss me." He chuckled and leaned in. The kiss was different from our other kisses. There were no butterflies, no feelings of love. It meant closure. "I was not joking." He told me, he was being serious. "I'm expecting you to choose me to hand you his ring at the altar."

"Deal." I laughed and shook his hand.

"Now dry those tears, they're getting your pretty face all wet" He wiped my tears away with his sleeve. "and go get your man."

I sighed happily. "You're te best." I gave him a quick hug.

"I know." Aaron said in a cocky way, I laughed, because Aaron really wasn't like that.

* * *

Darren's POV

* * *

"I broke up with him." Chris whispered against my neck.

I kissed the top of his head and I couldn't fight back the urge to breath in his scent. _I'm such a creep. Chris is crying on my shoulder, because he broke up with his boyfriend, probably because of me, and I am sniffing him. What is wrong with me? _"I am so sorry, Chris."

He pulled away from me and sat up straight again. His head hung down. "It's just," He almost whispered. "after our fight, every time I'd touch him or he'd touch me, I was thinking of you." He spoke so softly, like he was ashamed.

Somehow I had managed to screw someone else's relationship up. I had screwed up by comparing Aaron to myself and Chris couldn't be with him anymore because of that. I had to make it right again. "Chris listen," I lifted his head with one finger under his chin. "I was completely out of line when I said that. Please don't lose him over that. And if this is for the kiss, I am so sorry about that. I shouldn't have been so selfish." I hoped he'd accept my apology and he could forget about it. Maybe he could make up with Aaron again.

"You didn't let me finish." I waited for him to continue. _He's going to yell at me. That's understandable, I deserve it._ "I was thinking of you. And the thing that freaked me out the most was that I liked it." _Or he could say that?_ "I think my subconscious was trying to replace you, because I couldn't have you." He analyzed and I would be lying if I hadn't thought about that. But I had always pushed it away, because I saw it as a hope, instead of a thought. His eyes were sparkling, I couldn't tell if it was because of the tears, or because of the emotions that came with his words. And they were close, so close. _Wait, when did they get that close?_ "Turns out, I can." He said, his voice low and seductive. He was going to kiss me. My first thought was 'bring it on!', but then I realised _he_ was going to kiss _me_. Chris Colfer was going to kiss _me_. He had probably been single for two hours and he was trying to start something with _me_.

"No." I said and he stopped moving in closer. I turned my head away from him and he cocked an eyebrow. "No, I can't do this." I shook my head.

"Yes you can." He tried to turn my head towards him again, but I didn't move. "We've done this before. And Aaron and I broke up, so it wouldn't be cheating anymore."

"No Chris, stop it." I pulled his hand down, away from my face. "You know I want this." I waved my hand between us. "But you have to figure out if this really is what you want."

"I want you, Darren."

"I am a mess." I said forcefully. That seemed to get his attention. "I don't know who I am, I turned you in to a cheater, I broke you and your boyfriend up, I am in the closet and I have told the world that I'm straight about a million times." I summed up my list of most recently discovered flaws and faults. He was about to tell me it didn't matter, that he wanted to be with me. But I couldn't let him do that, he deserved better, the least he deserved was time. "I think you are moving on to fast. You need time to clear your head. I can be your friend right now, but nothing more than that."

"Okay." He said, sounding a little disappointed, but he knew he couldn't do it if I wasn't on board. "Thank you."

I didn't know what he was thanking me for, but I said 'You're welcome.' anyways.

"Darren?" I looked up at him. "Take all the time you need."

"Thanks."


	8. Chapter 8

Sleep had never been my best friend. I was way too bouncey to lay still and wait for the sleep to come. So usually I exhausted myself so falling asleep would be easier. I know, I know, it's not healthy, but I didn't like wasting time. And laying in bed without sleeping is wasting time. The night after Aaris broke up was different. I was exhausted, but my mind was racing with a million things: I was cursing myself for not letting Chris kiss me, because he was constantly on my mind. I was praising myself for not letting Chris kiss me, because I knew the timing wasn't right. I was thinking about what would happen in the future, would we end up together, how and when? I was thinking about Aaron, was he mad at me because Chris choose me over him? Did Chris even know about the conversation Aaron and I had?

Those were just a few of the questions and thoughts on my mind. Somehow I had gotten out of my bed without noticing. And somehow I ended up in front of Chris' bedroom door. I didn't know why, but I just wanted to see him. Well, I did know why, because, let's face it, I was in love. I opened the door and saw Chris laying on the bed with his back towards the door. I curled up behind him and wrapped my arm around his waste. I felt a sliver of skin where his t-shirt had ridden up a little. I moved my hand higher so it only touched his night shirt.

"What are you doing?" He whispered and I realised only then he was awake.

"I couldn't get to sleep and I wanted to see you." I answered as if it wasn't weird to crawl in bed with your roommate in the middle of the night.

I got an idea. It probably was a stupid idea, but it would let me get close to Chris. I brought my hand to the bit if skin I felt earlier. I rubbed my fingers in the skin and my hand went higher in the process. I reached under his shirt to get more to touch. I hooked my head over his shoulder to watch my hand slide under his night shirt. He looked down to do the same.

"What are you-" I cut off his trampling voice.

"Shh." I whispered in a low voice in his ear to hush him. "Are you okay with this?" I asked, I was only doing this if he wanted it too. I knew he was attracted to me and judging by the way his breath got low and heavy, he wanted it.

"Hmm." He hummed in response, letting me know it was alright.

My hand slid past his ribs to his nipple. I rubbed the soft flesh with my thumb and felt it harden under my touch. "Are you okay with taking it further?" I asked nervously. I was afraid of over stepping it by asking him to go further.

"Hmm." Much to my surprise he hummed again, approvingly.

"Just a one time thing?" I questioned to establish what he was expecting.

"Hmm." Another hum. I moved closer to kiss him, but when he caught up on what I was doing he stopped me abruptly. "No!" He said, eyes wide.

"I thought you said-"

"I'm okay with this," He said, so I didn't get why he had stopped me a second before. "but no romantic crap." _Oh._ "It's a one time thing, no feelings. So no kissing."

I could do that. I would get anything out of this anyway. Yes, no kissing was a loss, but I could deal with it. "Okay."

* * *

The next morning I was awaken when my pillow cried "Oh my god!" Then my pillow started moving and it pushed me off it. That was when I realised it wasn't my actual pillow, it was a person. And when I opened my eyes I remembered it was Chris.

"What?" I asked him sleepily, not fully processing what was going on when I saw him gathering his clothes again.

He stopped with what he was doing to stare at me. "You can't be serious!" He exclaimed and he studied me to decided if I was joking. I wasn't. "We slept together last night!" He explained as if I didn't remember what had happened the night before.

I laid back down in the pillow and relaxed again. "Why are you freaking out?"

"Why am I-" He laughed bitterly. "Are you an idiot? What am I saying? Of course you are!"

I sat up, because Chris was really upset, but I didn't see why. I didn't regret anything. "You didn't seem to think like that last night." I tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but it did nothing for Chris.

"Dare, stop it!" He got even more upset. "What the hell did we do?" He hid his face in his hands.

I let out a chuckle. "Well, we-" I tried to answer him.

"Not like that!" He slapped my arm lightly and sat down next to me. "I'm sorry. This seemed like a good idea last night." I didn't know why he was saying sorry. We had established we wanted it to be a one time thing to release some of the tension between us. Was he apologizing for not going to do it again? To be honest, I wanted it to happen again, but, apparently, he regretted it.

"Do you regret it?" I asked him straight forward. "I don't. I liked it." I admitted.

He looked at me, shock clearly showing in his eyes. "You can't just say things like that!"

"Why can't I?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Because this is horribly awkward!" He answered as if it was crystal clear. I didn't pick up on the awkwardness.

"Is it?"

"Yes, it is."

_Maybe he would think otherwise if he sees it the way I do._ I thought "Did you like it?"

And again his eyes grew impossibly wider. "What?"

"Did you have a good time last night?" I clarified my question.

He thought about it for a moment and I knew he was also thinking about not answering and just leaving, but this was his room after all. After a long pause he spoke. "Well, yeah, but-"

"But what?" I interrupted. "We had a good time. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?" I shifted on the bed to sit closer to him.

He raised an eyebrow and his mouth hung open like he was going to say something. But he didn't say anything for a good minute. When I thought get had passed out with his eyes open he answered softly. "No, there isn't." His voice barely a whisper. "We had fun." He said more confidently.

"Right." I confirmed, smiling. "Wanna do it again?" I asked in the first place to see his reaction, but then I realised it was a good question actually.

I swear, if he was taking a sip of a drink he would have spit it out in my face. His face was priceless "What?"

"You had fun, I had fun, why wouldn't we have fun again?" I suggested, but he wasn't even considering it.

"We can't." He immediately said.

"Look Chris, I like you." I confessed. "That isn't a secret. And you are not immune towards me either." He nodded to let me know I was right. "We're figuring stuff out, that's great. Why shouldn't we have a little fun while doing so. Think of it as company. We're accompanying each other." That sounded quite good.

He considered it for a moment. "Why does that make sense?" He asked me and I was glad he understood my insane theory.

"Because it does." I answered, not able to come up with anything better. "But if you want it to be a one time thing, that's alright." I said to check if we were on the same page.

"I never said that." That sounded good, but I wasn't convinced.

"Are you on board?" I asked for a final confirmation.

"Why the hell not?"


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up in Chris' room and I found his side of the bed to be cold when I searched for him. He was already up and I heard him talking to someone downstairs, but my mind was too fuzzy to make out the voices. I closed my eyes again and tried to sleep some more, but a stream of sunlight made that impossible. I got up slowly to go to the bathroom and I shuffled to the door. I wasn't expecting to see Aaron coming back from the bathroom. I stilled my movements and closed the door again. _What is he doing here? Are he and Chris back together again? They wouldn't get together two weeks after their break up, or would they? I don't think Chris and I are exclusive, but he wouldn't start something with his ex, right?_

I opened the door again to see if Aaron left. "It's good to see you two finally are together." I heard Aaron say downstairs. And, yeah, that could be an interesting conversation to hear. I knew it was wrong, but I decided to sit down at the top of the stairs, my back against the wall and completely out of sight of the two men downstairs.

"Ehm, we're not together yet." I heard Chris say awkwardly. _Yet. He said yet. _That certainly sounded promising.

"What?" Aaron's voice was blank.

Chris stayed silent for a moment and I could sense the tension, even though I wasn't even in the room with them. "We discussed it and we established that we both need some time." Chris explained.

"Really?" Aaron asked, he obviously didn't believe him. "You can't hide it from me, he just came out of your room."

"I'm telling you we're not a couple, okay?" I could tell Chris just wanted to be done with the conversation.

"What's going on?" Aaron got suspicious. _Chris is not going to tell him, right? He is his ex-boyfriend, you don't tell stuff like that to your ex-boyfriend._

"None of your business." Chris said quickly. And if that wouldn't make Aaron even more suspicious, I didn't know what would.

It was quite for a moment and for a minute I thought they had dropped the subject. But then I heard Aaron's voice again. "I can't believe this!" He spoke in wonder. "You just jumped in bed with him?" _Why does he care? It's not like it's cheating anymore._

"No comment." Chris answered dryly. That pretty much had the same effect of just giving in.

"Are you serious?" Aaron snapped. _Why does he even care?_ I wondered again. "If you fuck this up we broke up for no reason at all." _He is not doing anything wrong. _

"I'm not fucking it up." Chris hissed and I just knew he was clenching his jaw.

"You're fucking." Aaron spoke matter-of-factly. _Yeah, so, maybe we are. We talked about it and made sure we were both comfortable, so what's wrong with that?_

"This really is none of your business." Chris told him again. "But if you insist on knowing," He continued. _You should have left it at that. No need to go in detail. _"this is just for the time being."

"Oh really?" I heard Aaron ask as if he didn't believe Chris. Or maybe he was just taken aback by the new information.

"Like you've never had a one night stand." Chris stated, followed by a short silence. "This is just like that, but with the same guy." _A one night stand? He thinks of me as a repeating one night stand? That sort of hurts, but it shouldn't, because we said no feelings._

"One night stands aren't right either, but you have feelings for this guy." _Feelings? Yeah right, if I'm a one night stand to him his feelings must be really deep. I know what you're thinking 'You're doing it too.' Yeah, well I want this... this thing to turn out in a relationship. It might not be the ideal way to get there, but it is_ a _way._ "All you're doing is screwing it up."

"He started it." That was true, but he could set a stop to it whenever he wanted to.

"But you're both continuing it."

"You have no say in how I live my life anymore." Chris told him. And he was right, he was a big boy. He could make his own decisions. A voice deep down insane told me that Aaron was his friend and that he loved Chris. But I quickly pushed that voice to the darkest corner of my mind.

"I don't," Aaron agreed. "but I'm just saying it's a bad idea and you're going to regret it. It might cost you your friendship.

"I don't care." '1-0 for Darren' was my first thought, but then it hit me. _He doesn't care? It doesn't bother him that our friendship might collapse? I want more than friendship too, but we need friendship for a relationship. I think a relationship is just a really intense form of a friendship. If Chris doesn't care about our friendship, than he won't care about our relationship either. If he even wants a relationship. He told me he wants me, but he never said that he wants to be my boyfriend or whatever. What if this is enough for him?_


	10. Chapter 10

"Joey, I need to talk to you." I said when Joey opened his front door. I went to Joey because he was my closest friend ever and I knew I could trust him with my situation. He would tell me his opinion without hesitation and he would be honest with me however hard the truth may be.

He obviously saw it was not the right time to joke, because he invited me inside immediately without even asking why I was coming to him at eight in the morning on a Sunday. "Okay, what's bothering you?" He asked when we settled on the couch.

"It's complicated." I warned him on beforehand.

"I've got time." He answered.

I took a deep breath. "There was me and I told him and he left and we kissed and we were in a closet and we punched and he was gone and then there was sex and he doesn't care." I rambled in one breath. And I heard it didn't make any sense.

Joey had trouble keeping up because I was talking too fast. He blinked rapidly with his eyes for a moment. "I am a little confused." He spoke slowly and that was already made clear by his face. "Can you try to form sentences?" He asked me as if it was a difficult task. And maybe it was at that moment.

I tried to remember how I ended up in the mess again and when I recalled I looked up at him and started to explain. "You know, Chris had a boyfriend?" I questioned. Joey had seen Aaron once or twice, but I wasn't sure if he remembered.

"Yes." He confirmed. "Aaron was it, right?" I nodded. "He is hot." Joey stated and I already knew that. I didn't need to be reminded that Chris left_ him_ for _me_. "I know people don't turn gay, but man, he could turn me gay." Joey continued and that didn't do anything to make me feel less guilty.

"Right." I said dryly. "Anyway, have you ever noticed that he really looks like me?" I asked. I was a little nervous, because I didn't know if he saw it too. I saw it and Chris probably saw it, but maybe it wasn't really obvious if you didn't really know him. That way it might have been a coincidence that Chris chose him to be his boyfriend.

Joey thought for a moment. I could tell he was trying to recall every detail about Aaron. "Oh my god!" He exclaimed when he had figured the picture out.

"See?" I asked and he nodded in return. I decided to continue my story. "I told Chris and he got mad. And then I realised that I like him. So, when he came back" I hesitated for a moment. "I ehm- I kissed him." I admitted and Joey just raised his eyebrows. He wasn't really in shock, maybe it was because I had sort of hinted on it in my babbling, maybe because he knows me better than I know myself and maybe because I know he likes to troll the internet a lot. "And then he locked me and Aaron up in a closet to talk things over and we sort of ended up fighting. And Chris broke up with him and now we're kind of sleeping together." That did make his eyes widen in shock, but he wasn't saying anything. "And I know it means nothing to him, but it does to me. But he just wants to keep it physical. We don't even kiss while doing it. He doesn't want it to become romantic. But I do. I want to hold his hand, to take him out on dates, to share sweet kisses with him and do all that cheesy stuff. I want to make love to him instead of just have a meaningless fuck. I want a future with him. And I know we're not exclusive, but I want us to be."

He shook his head and sighed. "Only you." He laughed bitterly. "How did this even happen? I honestly don't know how this friends with benefits thing even starts."

I ignored the phrase 'friends with benefits' because that wasn't the point of the conversation. I didn't like the phrase, though. I liked to think that Chris and I were lovers in process. "I couldn't sleep so I went to cuddle him." I started to explain. "And I sort of suggested it and he said yes and the day after we talked and we made an agreement."

"What exactly did you say?" He wondered out loud.

_What did I say?_ It had made absolute sense when we had the conversation, but afterwards it might have been a little weird. In my defense, we were kind of in our underwear and in a bed together. "We agreed that we had fun and there is nothing wrong with having fun." I heard myself say the words and I knew he wouldn't approve.

"Then go play laser tag with him, but keep your hands to yourself!" He snapped at me.

But I couldn't. Playing laser tag is something people do with their friends, so that wouldn't do anything for us. And the whole thing is a mess, but I was trying to get somewhere with it. "But I can't let him fall in love with someone. It's selfish, but I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else." The thought of him falling in love with somebody made me feel like crying.

"Then tell him what you just told me." He told me, clearly frustrated. "Tell him that you can either be his boyfriend or just his friend. And if he chooses the later he is not only an idiot, but he has also lost his sweet piece of man ass too."

"But he will choose the later," I said in a broken voice, struggling to hold back my tears. "because he said he didn't care. Why can't I just have this? Why shouldn't I take every chance I get to be close to him?" I asked and heard my voice crack several times.

Joey shifted over to me and wrapped me into his arms. "Because you can't let him use you like that." He answered. "And you're using him too. Neither of you deserve this." He explained and I knew he was right. Of course he was right, because it all was just a big mess. "But you know," He continued. "I can totally imagine why you did what you did." He finished with a smirk.

"Are you sure you're not gay?" I half laughed.

"Yes," He sighed "but if you can arrange a date with Aaron for me, I'll get back to you."

I laughed bitterly, because I didn't know where Aaron and I were standing. _Wait a minute. Aaron._ "Did you know my name was Aaron in the Last Friday Night music video?" I questioned when I realised what has to be the most creepy thing on earth.

His eyes widened once more. "Where did he get that guy?" He wondered.

"I don't know, somewhere perfect, probably. A bookstore maybe?" I shifted my seat and the vibe instantly became more serious. It was time for part two of my visit. The real, _really_ awkward part. "I didn't just come here to talk about that, though."

"Oh?"

I swallowed thickly. "There will be questions." I stated. "Questions I don't know the answer to. So do you remember collage?" That's a stupid question.

"Mostly no." He answered dryly. I cocked my eyebrow at him, because how can someone forget collage? "I was like 89% of the time completely drunk." He explained.

I slapped his arm lightly. "Very funny." I commented sarcastically. "I mean the time you said when I would ever doubt my sexuality I could come to you." I clarified

He nodded slowly. "Yeah I remember that." He confirmed.

"Does the offer still stand?" I tried silently. It was a long time ago and collage was crazy, but he was my friend back then so he's still the same friend now, right?

"Ehm, I guess so. But don't take this the wrong way. How far do you want to go? I mean, we're friends and I think it would be awkward if we would, you know." He trailed off.

"I don't want to sleep with you." I shook my head. There was no need to do that. "I know I can get aroused by a male. But Chris and I never do romantic things. I want to know if I like being romantic with a guy too. When we're Kurt and Blaine I'm constantly wishing it's Chris I'm on a date with, so I know I want to get romantic with Chris, but that won't answer the questions." I elaborated.

"So you want to be romantic with me?" Joey checked. He wasn't laughing at me or making a face, so I guess that was a good sign.

"Yes, if that's okay with you."

"Sure." He smiled that typical smile of his. "What do you want to do?" He asked as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I hesitated for a moment, but then I remembered that my friends are awesome and Joey honestly wants to help me out. I turned my back towards him and awkwardly shimi ed between his legs. I leaned my back against his chest and wrapped his arms around my middle. I intertwined our fingers on my stomach.

"Anything?" He mumbled in my hair after a short silence.

"Don't push it." I instructed. So we stayed silent for another moment. We were sitting there unmoved and the ticking of his clock made the silence even more awkward and tense.

"Maybe if I-" Joey cut himself off and moved my head to half face him. When I caught up with what he was doing I turned my whole body. I sat down on my knees between his legs, leaning on the back of my feet. We leaned in closer and I couldn't help but sense the tension. "Wait," Joey stopped halfway. "does Chris know about this? I mean, is he okay with this?"

_He just had to mention him right now._ "We're not exclusive." I answered and with that I pressed our mouths together. It was just our faces pushed together and my arms were tensed beside my body. _Where should I put my hands?_ I found myself thinking. I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other one on the back of his neck, but it wasn't really doing anything._ Maybe I should change the angle?_ I tilted my head to the right a little more and Joey started deepening the kiss. When that didn't work either and the damn ticking of the clock became unbearable we finally broke apart. "This isn't working." I stated the obvious. He gave me an agreeing nod. "I'm sorry, it's just, we're too close to do this." I apologized.

We sat up straight next to each other again, still close, but not intertwined. "Yeah, I know." He laughed slightly and I joined in, because that was the most awkward kiss of my life. "Do you have any not so good gay friends, or straight friends who don't mind helping you out with this?" Joey purposed.

I thought for a moment, but no one popped up in my mind. "I don't know. Could I ask one of the Glee guys out?" Joey just shrugged his shoulders. "They're pretty close, but not as close as I am with you. But they have this weird big brother roll in Chris' life and if they found out what was going on they would probably kill me."

"Maybe you should just go home, sleep and make up your mind in the morning." Joey suggested and that sounded kind of nice.


	11. Chapter 11

I opened the door to my trailer. I had a few hours between scenes, so I decided memorizing lines could wait. I had called Joey to let him know I was going to try to get a guy to go on a date with me. "Okay I am going to make an ass out of myself in front of at least one of the guys." I flopped down on my little bed. "Who should I ask first?"

"Wait, you're planning on asking more than one of your friends out?" He asked in wonder.

I wasn't planning on it, but I figured I kind of needed to. I was going to ask a straight guy out on a gay date. I really wasn't expecting anything from it. "No," I sighed. "but there is a 99% chance I'll get rejected." I explained. He hummed to confirm my theory was probably right. "Back to the part where you answer my question."

"Right." I heard him clear his throat. "How about Cory?" He purposed.

"Taken." I simply said. "By Lea." I added and started wiggling my legs in the air.

"Seriously?" Joey asked, clearly smelling gossip. Although it really wasn't the right time for that.

"Yes." I answered him shortly to let him know there was no time to talk about Lea's and Cory's endless relationship troubles. "Next."

"Samuel? He's new and-"

"No." I said, because, well NO. "I'm absolutely sure he is not open to pretty much anything that is gay." I explained. Samuel was _alright_. He really wasn't anything more than that. He wasn't exactly mean to Chris, but he wasn't really nice to him either. It wasn't like he was bullying him, but I just knew he would rather not come over to our house, or be alone with Chris. It pissed me off, but when I talked with Chris about it he just said 'Good, I don't want to spend time with him either' took another bite of his Red Vine and that was it.

"Oh." Joey said, a little shocked by the new bit of information. "Hey what about Alex?" He asked, clearly thinking he found the solution. "He's gay, right?"

"Yeah, but I haven't even met him properly." I turned around so I was laying on my back. "It would be like 'Hi I've seen you sitting in a chair once. Do you want to be my experiment because I think I might be gay too.'" I raised my voice to make it sound even more ridiculous.

"Mark?" He suggested. "Mark is cool, right?"

"He is," I agreed hesitantly. I could hear Joey sigh at how picky I was being. But I wasn't just going to go out with just someone at random. Please, I'm not some floozy. "but I don't know. He's not really my type, I guess. And he is the biggest big brother to Chris. No, scratch the brother thing, Mark is like his dad."

Joey just laughed at me. "You have a type?" He sickered. "You're trying to find out if you like dudes and you _already_ have a type?"

I allowed myself to laugh with him for a moment. "What?" I asked, already starting to defend myself. "He's just not doing it for me." I explained.

"Fine." He sighed. Then he hummed to fill the time he was thinking. "Chord?" He was already waiting for me to have a list of reasons why Chord wasn't the right person.

"Chord." I repeated. Nothing came up why he wouldn't be a good choice. _Chord could be interesting. _"He's defiantly good-looking, isn't a brother to Chris because he wasn't in Glee from the start, he's insanely funny, I won't say 'my type' anymore but he is someone I could be attracted to." I worded my thoughts. "Plus, he just went through a break up, maybe he is desperate enough for a rebound to say yes."

"That is just evil." I could practically hear the grin on his face. "I love it." He confirmed my thought. "So he's your victim?"

I rolled over so I was on my stomach again. "Watch out Chord Oversteet, I'm about to rock your world." I spoke half joking.

"Then what are you waiting for?" He questioned in all seriousness.

"What?" I laughed nervously. "Right now?" _He must be joking. He can't expect me to go to him right now._ I thought. But then again, I knew myself. I knew I needed to do it when I was confident enough and if I waited any longer I would second guess myself.

"Yes!"

"Alright, alright I'm going!" I said back in the same tone he used on me.


	12. Chapter 12

**_So, this is the last chapter. I hope you like it. _**

**_Please R&R._**

* * *

"Can I ask you a weird question?" I asked after I had put myself through an awkward attempt to make conversation with Chord. I found him alone in his trailer and joined him without giving him a reason.

"Sure." He was giving me his full attention, probably because I had been acting weird. Even I could tell, but somehow I wasn't able to stop my behaviour.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone." I practically begged him, not wanting it to become a cast's anecdote.

He held one had to his heart and the other one up as if he was saying a vow. "I promise." He said slowly.

"And feel free for say no." I told him to make clear that I understood if he wasn't up for what I was about to ask.

"Okay." He half laughed, obviously wanting me to ask the question.

_Okay, this is it. Prepare to be laughed at. "_Do you want to go out with me?" I said very quickly, waiting with wide eyes for his response.

"As in..." He trailed off. He wasn't getting the point. I couldn't blame him.

"A date." I clarified. I wanted to know what his real reaction was. And at the same time I didn't want to know.

He didn't answer me. He looked at me and simply said "I didn't know you were gay."

"I'm not." I quickly answered. But when he raised his eyebrow I remembered what I had asked him and those things clashed completely. "Well, maybe a little bit," I admitted. "but that's what I'm trying to find out."

"I'm not gay." He told me slowly, as if he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He actually sounded sorry.

"I know." I said and for some reason I was disappointed. But I had expected it. "I'm sorry. I just don't really know what to do. Just forget I asked you." I hung my head in embarrassment.

"No, man, you don't understand." I looked up to face him again. "I'm flattered you feel that way, but I can't return those feelings." He told me.

"I don't have feelings for you." I said quickly. He looked strangely at me. "I- I like another guy," I told him. "but just because I want to be with him doesn't mean I have these feelings for other guys too. And I can't figure it out with him, so that's why I'm asking you." He gave me no sign of disgust, so I just kept going. "And I thought because Sam was originally gay you wouldn't be completely against the idea of, I don't know, kissing a guy." _That didn't come out right. _"Not that I'm expecting that from you! Physical contact isn't needed at all." _I'm such an idiot. He already turned you down, you just made it even more awkward._ I mentally kicked myself.

He studied me for a moment and I rubbed my neck nervously. _Is he expecting me to go?_ When I was about to leave he talked again. "Yeah, sure." Was what he said. "Why not? Sounds like fun to me."_ What was that? Did he just- did he just say yes? And not even a hesitant one. A willing one. Like he is absolutely sure about it._ "What?" He laughed when he saw I was speechless. "Wasn't expecting that?"

I shook my head. "No, defiantly not." I confirmed, still not believing him.

"Well, I'm helping you with it, right?" I nodded eagerly. I was hoping he didn't think I was absolutely mad.

* * *

The doorbell rung when I was still running around the house to find my shoes. Chris was downstairs, so I knew he was going to open the door. I had told him I was going on a date, because he asked why I was running around, trying to gather an outfit. I only hoped the excitement he was showing for me was fake. "Hi Chord, what are you doing here?" Chris asked as I finally spotted my shoes.

"I'm here for Darren." I heard Chord answer and I quickly pulled my shoes on.

"Oh, I think you'll have to come back later, he is about to go on a date." I was trying to tie my laces with the speed of light, but I failed.

"I know." Chord said simply and I succeeded to put my shoes on and speeded downstairs.

"Is it a double date?" Chris asked, his voice confused. "I thought you broke up with-"

"He is my date." I interrupted when I reached the door. I saw how casually Chord was dressed and I felt overdressed, immediately.

"I beg your pardon?" Chris said, blinking rapidly at us.

"I'm his date." Chord clarified.

Chris stayed silent for a moment, absolutely struck by the new information. Then he started laughing like a mad man. He grabbed his stomach and practically doubled over. "He's your- you're going- this is hilarious!" He choked out.

I couldn't believe he was laughing at me right in my face. And Chord was right next to me. It was downright humiliating. "Really? Don't you think this is a little rude?" I asked, because he wasn't aware of it.

He forced his laughter to die down. "Yeah, I'm sorry." He tried to be serious. "There is nothing funny here." And he broke out in another stream of giggles.

"We're going." I told him and shut the door in his face. I wasn't going to stand there and get laughed at by him.

"Wait." Chord made me stop walking by taking my wrist. I turned round. "I didn't come here to actually go out with you." He said.

_Of course. How could I have been so stupid? Of course he isn't going through with this._ "Oh." I said, trying my best to show no care.

Apparently he didn't fall for it. "No," He started sympathetically. "I mean I did have that intention, but then I realised-"

"That I'm a stupid guy." I finished for him. "A _guy_. And you're just too nice to stand me up." I didn't know why he said yes in the first place. He knew what he was getting himself into.

"I realised what is going on here." He sat down on the stairs in front of our house and patted the empty spot next to him. I sat down on the cold stone, because I wanted to hear what he had to say. "I came here to tell you that you should just tell Chris." _How does he- I've never told him I'm into Chris. What a horrible piece of advise. I told him what I had to figure out._ "It doesn't matter if you like other guys what matters is that you like him and that you're gonna make this work."

I stood up, frustrated. _Make it work. Sure! I don't know if you have noticed, but I'm not exactly good at making stuff work._ "Of course it doesn't matter to me or you, even him," I gestured to the door. "but it does to the rest of the world. What if I somehow get him to be my boyfriend? What if the world found out?" I asked him, but he didn't answer. "Everyone would go nuts. And what kind of explanation do I have? I have none."

"Last time I checked you didn't care if the world thought you're gay or whatever." He said too dryly and calm for my liking.

He had a point. I never cared what others thought about my sexuality, but that was when I wasn't so god damn insecure about it. I was absolutely positive I was straight, but I didn't want to miss out on anything, so I told everyone I wasn't into labels. "When you checked it wasn't so damn accurate." I almost whispered and sat down on the stairs again. He looked at me with a 'do you hear what that sounds like?' face. "I know," I groaned. "I'm being hypocrite."

"So stop that and do what I told you." He said and helped me up my feet.

* * *

After Chord had left I made my way inside. Chris had taken his seat on the couch again. _This is it._ I wanted to say and ask so many things, but I didn't know how to say any of them. So, instead, my mouth decided to form the following sentence. "You are an asshole, you know that?" We were both surprised by it.

He looked shocked at me. "Wait, shouldn't you be-"

"Chris, that was humiliating!" I interrupted. "Chord was just being a good friend by helping me out and you laughed at him." I almost yelled at him. He was just sitting there, looking taken aback. "I'm doing this for you. For us." I told him and I hated how desperate I sounded. "Not like you give a damn about us." I muttered loud enough for him to hear and turned around to go to my bedroom. When I entered the room I let myself fall face down on my bed. Nothing was going as planned. I was supposed to be on a date with one of my best friends and he turned me down. I was supposed to make things work with Chris, but I started another fight instead.

"Dare," I heard Chris' small voice behind me. "I'm sorry I laughed at you guys." He said when I had looked him in the eyes. "And I do give a damn about us. I give lots of damns."

I shook my head. We weren't on the same page. "You don't care as much as I do." I said. He walked to my bed and sat down next to me. "I'm falling for you." I told him truthfully. I hadn't even admitted it to myself yet. I was going to get heartbroken very soon if I didn't clear things up. Maybe it was too late already. All I knew was that it was coming soon. "And I see the ground coming closer, but I don't know when I'm going to hit it. And as long as I'm falling I don't know anything for sure." I hoped that made sense to him. Who was I kidding, it didn't even make sense to me.

Silence. _Have I overstepped some boundary? I basically told him I'm in love with him. Okay, I've defiantly overstepped a boundary._ "Who said that is not how I feel about you?" He said. _He can't, right? He can't feel the same. I've heard him say he didn't._

"Are you over Aaron?" I asked, absolutely terrified to hear the answer. _What if he isn't? What if he realizes breaking up with him was a mistake?_

Apparently he didn't know the answer. "When are you over someone?" He asked me.

"When you don't think about them anymore." Was my answer.

"Then I'll never be over him." My face must have been in absolute shock, because he immediately started to explain. "He was my boyfriend for quite some time. I can't just erase all my memories." That, I thought, was understandable. "I loved him, he will always have a special place in my life. But Aaron told me something when we broke up." Oh. That couldn't be anything good judging by Chris' tone. "First, I told him I loved him-"

"I don't think I want to hear this." I cut him of, because I really didn't. Anything following on that would be too painful for me to listen to.

"And he told me I loved you more." _That- that wasn't painful at all, but what doesn't mean it's the truth. _"And he was right." Chris said, his eyes boring into mine. _He loves me. He just told me he loves me._ There it was. The ground. My falling came to a stop. The ground stopped coming closer. But I didn't hit it, because someone caught me. Chris.

I gasped for air for what seemed like a century. I couldn't believe it. I loved him, he loved me. Everything was perfect. "I love you so much." I told him without realising what I said.

"I love you too." He replied and I was on cloud nine. I had never heard anything more beautiful. It was all unreal, I desperately needed confirmation.

"Really?" I choked out.

He just nodded. And it was enough. And we kissed. We kissed like it was meant to be. And all that cheesy crap about fireworks? It's all true.

* * *

That's the beginning of how I ended up where I've always wanted to be. Wearing an expensive suit, standing in a suite with my best friend who is carrying the ring for the love of my life. It took some time and effort to get there, but we made it.

"No! You can't see the groom!" I heard Aaron's voice at the other side of the door. "That's bad luck!"

Chris giggled. "Come on, this is not a traditional wedding." He said. "And I allowed you to see Jayden too when you got married." I waited patiently for the door to open.

"Fine." Aaron said dramatically and knocked on the door of my suite. Joey told them they could come in. The door swung open and there he was. He was dressed in a black suit and a bright blue tie that matched his eyes. He had a flower in the pocket on his chest that matched Aaron's, Joey's and mine. I couldn't find any words for what I was seeing.

"Wow." He breathed out. Yeah, that pretty much described him.

"That's what I wanted to say." I told him and a smile appeared on his face as I expected.

He stepped closer to me and kissed me quickly. "I love you." He said as if we were alone in the room.

"I love you too." I smiled before kissing him once more.

When we broke apart we eyed the two other men in the room. Chris took my hand. "Let's get married." He said and I'll tell you this: that day, I married the crap out of him.


End file.
